


I can’t lose you.

by ChaoticWhore



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: 1960s, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29581887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticWhore/pseuds/ChaoticWhore
Summary: This was originally posted on my Wattpad, but it didn’t get that much recognition so I moved it to here. It’s still up on my Wattpad ( ChaosWhore )
Relationships: Johnny Cade/Dallas Winston
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	I can’t lose you.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my Wattpad, but it didn’t get that much recognition so I moved it to here. It’s still up on my Wattpad ( ChaosWhore )

Dallas Winston was a no-good hood. He was reckless, young, violent. The list could go on and on, but there was no point now. 

He wasn't scared of death- or at least he convinced himself he wasn't. Dally, now, had been in so many life or death situations you'd think he'd be totally afraid to die. But he wasn't- this was what he wanted. 

Johnny had died twenty minutes prior- Dally couldn't stand to lose him. It should have been him. It should have been fucking him! If Dally had told the two boys to stay with him at Bucks for the night, Johnny wouldn't be dead! 

He didn't know who to blame. First came himself- he should have told them to stay, or at the very least, tell the fuzz that he killed that snobby Soc guy. Next was Ponyboy. That stupid kid- why didn't he just stay in the car? He didn't get it. Was saving a bunch of little kids worth losing someone so close to you? But then, he didn't wanna blame that kid. He did something that no other greaser would have the guts to even try. 

Next, he blamed was Johnny. Why did that stupid kid have to follow the first dumbass into that church? Now he was dead. Even if the kid somehow lived, he'd be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, in that damn home he hated. Dally knew the kids' folks would take advantage of that. 

Dally and Johnny seemed to be friends from a naked eye. Hell, even the gang hadn't figured it out. They weren't friends- he and Johnny hadn't been friends for a long time.

They did things that friends wouldn't do- kissing in the lot when it was nearing sunrise, making out in the rain after a rumble, or sneaking in the back rooms at bucks so they wouldn't get caught- they were more than friends. A lot more. 

Dally couldn't stand the fact that he was a f*g. He hated it- he felt like throwing up every time he thought of the fact he didn't like women. Except when he was with Johnny, that Is. Johnny was his only distraction from those thoughts, even if he was a huge source. 

Dally remembered the day his old man found out. He'd been only fifteen at the time- Dally remembered that night so vividly, it would always have a place in the back of his mind. 

\- 

It was 1953, Dally was still in New York. It was raining that day, and he didn't have a place to stay- he'd tried the streets, but he didn't look forward to dying of pneumonia. He thought about a friend's place, but most of his supposed friends were in the same situation he was in. Soaking wet, tired, and pissed. He hated his old man, the thought of going home with him made him sick to his stomach. 

Dallas walked up on the porch steps, hanging his head low as he threw open the door. It was slightly warmer on the inside. Though, Dally still felt like he was freezing his ass off. 

He slammed the door shut, and he heard some rattling in the next room. He didn't think he slammed the door that hard, that was, until his old man came running around the corner, a fire in his eyes that was stronger than the one Dally held. It scared him, but he sure didn't show it. 

"You're a f*g?" His fathers words cut through his skin like a hot knife would butter. Dallas felt his face pale, but he quickly clenched his jaw, and glared at his alcoholic father. "No," he snapped. "The hell did you get that idea?" He asked. The man stepped forward, and slugged Dally in the face. Hard enough to get him to the ground, and break his nose.

Dallas cussed under his breath, looking at the pathetic excuse of a parent he had. "Don't lie to me, kid," the man snapped. "One of the f*gs mothers came by and said she saw you screwing with her son!" Dally paled- he knew he shouldn't have gone to any guys house. When did the kid's mom ever see them? He assumed she never went in the room completely. Who would wanna see their son screwing around with someone like Dallas Winston- who was a guy.

"Well, she told you a damn lie!" Dallas snapped, that earned him a punch to the gut. "No son Of mine is gonna be a damn f*g!" 

\- 

Dally still had that memory in the back of his head- he couldn't get rid of it. He still had scars from that night- Dally always said he got them in a knife fight, but only Johnny knew what actually happened. He couldn't tell anyone else, he'd get killed. 

He had been through all this- seventeen years of life and he still hadn't understood his attraction towards guys. Or why he decided to be with Johnny of all people. Maybe cause he fell pretty hard for the kid- he didn't know why, the night they kissed for the first time, he'd been so drunk and doped up he hardly remembered half of it. Johnny had to tell him what happened the next morning- and he almost didn't believe the kid. 

-

The greasers had just won the rumble- Dally had gone to bucks before. He'd gotten his hands on drugs and alcohol, and he felt about as high as a kite. Even better, as high as his ego. 

He was on his fourth can of beer- he'd forgotten Johnny was beside him, his face busted in a couple places from the rumble. Johnny had been listening to Dally ramble for a good ten minutes, before he gently put his hand on dally's arm. "Dally," Johnny said, his voice was soft and filled with concern. 

Dally had just started realizing he liked the kid more than he thought. Every damn move he'd make- It made Dally feel sick. But in an odd way, a good kinda sick. 

Dally looked over at Johnny- he looked a bit beaten up from the rumble, but he was fine. Johnny may have been small, but he was a good fighter. You knew it was serious when Dallas admitted it.   
"Nah," Dally slurred out, and finished off the bottle. "You know I ain't no coward, Johnnycakes," Dally snorted, eyeing him up and down. 

Johnny tensed, and he sighed. "Dally- you've had enough," he gulped. He knew he shouldn't have said that almost the exact minute he said it. You don't tell Dally when he's had enough, or tell him what to do- Johnny knew that, he just let it slip a bit. 

Dally turned towards Johnny, glaring at him for a second or two. Johnny looked into Dallas's eyes- he was so doped up, his pupils seemed like they were quivering. "What'd you say to me?" He slurred, but his voice was cracking and he sounded hyper- must be the drugs, Johnny thought bitterly. 

"Please, Dally," Johnny pleaded, looking up at Dally. He wasn't too much shorter, a couple of inches maybe. He still had to physically look up at Dally though. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Dally grunted- and grabbed him by the shirt collar. He was gonna spit out some insults, smack Johnny once or twice, but nah. If he wasn't so out of it, that was probably what he would have done. "You'd look pretty as a broad," Dally suddenly said. 

Johnny was expecting to get slugged around, definitely not that. The younger's face went a dark red, and he found himself staring at Dally with wide eyes. "Huh?" He asked, pretty sure he'd heard him wrong. "You're deaf as hell, kid," Dally cooly said, letting johnnys shirt collar go. 

Dally started at Johnny for a second, and then his face went soft. But only for a moment- before it was twisted up into a snarl again.

"Did you mean that?" Johnny asked after a few minutes of silence. He'd always had mixed feelings about Dally. Part of him saw him as a friend that would never let him go. But then he realized how suspicious Dally had been acting around him. He overheard him saying that he was a cute kid, multiple times, and he'd caught Dally eyeing him like a broad once or twice. 

"Yeah," Dally said, with Almost no hesitation. Damn, Johnny thought. He must be real doped up. 

Dally then looked at Johnny, and leaned towards him again. "Wait, come here," he Said. Johnny looked up at the blonde male, and he hesitated before taking a step. He expected to get laughed at, or atleast smacked upside the head. He definitely wasn't expecting to get grabbed by the collar and kissed with so much passion it made his head spin. Johnny didn't know what to do for a second or two. He'd kissed a few girls before- but never a guy. 

Hesitantly, he put his hands on dallys shoulders, and kissed him back. It was a weird, but nice feeling. 

\- 

Of course, that night ended in other things- things that were more explicit then Kissing. Dally knew then he'd fallen for the kid- as if he hadn't fallen hard before. 

So that was how he found himself standing in the middle of the streets- holding an unloaded heater at a cop car. This was what I want, he thought to himself. 

They ain't taking alive. 

Just as he finished that very thought, gunshots rang out. Loud enough to make him go deaf, maybe. He felt what was like burning metal rip through his skin, piercing his insides and blood going down his shirt, staining it and making him fall limp to the ground. 

Dally had always known that hearing was your last sense to go out before you die. He knew it was true when he heard a voice, it sounded like pony's, say, "not Dally too!"

But Dally didn't have time to think of any guilt, or even care. He'd seen his fate. 

He felt like he was just laying there- asleep, and unable to wake up. He felt like he was in a room with just black, and he was paralyzed. 

Was this the after life? Was this what Johnny was seeing? He knew there wasn't a heaven, or anything like that. Just when he was sure he was gonna give up- and just lay in the darkness for the rest of eternity, 

"Dally?" 

The voice was small- but he was easily able to figure out who the voice belonged to.   
He thought he wouldn't be able to see anything other than darkness again, but as soon as he heard the voice, his eyes snapped open almost immediately. 

He shut them- the light Nearly blinding him. When he opened his eyes again- he realized he was back in Tulsa. He was laying on the side of the road. It obviously wasn't the Tulsa he was just in. It was warm, and in the fall, it was never warm. The sun was out, and he didn't feel a brink of sadness. If anything, he felt happy. It was a weird feeling, especially for someone like him to feel. 

He turned around, looking for the source of the voice. When he found it, he jumped to his feet, his eyes as wide as saucers and his heart racing. 

"Johnny-" he asked. Johnny was there- He was there! The other smiled brightly at him- he was standing up, and his hair wasn't cut. It looked the same as it usually did. He wasn't all burned up- he looked great. 

Dally took a step forward, and gently grabbed Johnny by the shoulders. "Hey, Dally," the other smiled at him. Dallas was in some sorta shock- he couldn't get over the fact that Johnny was here. He quickly pulled Johnny in a hug, and Johnny flung his arms around him tightly. Dally felt his eyes water, but he didn't start crying. Even when he was dead, he was tough. 

"God, I thought I lost you forever!" He yelled. Johnny was grinning widely, and he tightened his hold on Dallas. "I missed ya, man," he smiled, chuckling a bit. "Never thought I would see you again, Dal," he smiled. 

Dally backed up a bit, and kissed him as hard as he could.   
It didn't stay a kiss for long, before they moved onto other things. 

The stars were beautiful in this weird after life, but Dally wasn't complaining. He couldn't live without Johnny, and now he was gonna live with him forever.


End file.
